


Don't Apologize For My Mistakes

by the_angst_alchemist



Category: Pokemon GO
Genre: Agender Character, All Spark wants is help, Angst with a Happy Ending, Au of my own writing, Blanche is a good friend, Cute Ending, Dehydration, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, I had to sad, I had to write a full thing for what "Willow Duty was", Implied/Referenced Suicide, Including a freaking schedule, Multi, Nonbinary Blanche, Original Character Death(s), Other, POV Third Person Plural, Past Character Death, Suicide Attempt, Trans Character, Trans Spark, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-07 08:22:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7707850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_angst_alchemist/pseuds/the_angst_alchemist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spark wanted love in order to get over the brother he lost. But Candela's denial and Blanche's lack of noticing is a simple way to tell him no.<br/>Without help, he turns to suicide as his only way out. But when Blanche saves him before he can, it causes tension between them as Blanche puts off work just to help Spark through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The first mistake.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Silvia_Phenora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvia_Phenora/gifts).



Spark had little hope for his idea in the first place. After all, why would people like Blanche and Candela ever want to be in a polyamorous relationship with him, of all people? It was barely possible. Their reactions (a firm denial from Candela; a shrugging off from Blanche) had only cemented the idea that his suspicions were well-founded in his mind.  
His face dropped with Candela's quick head shake and firm denials, and he looked down. What else had he been expecting, anyways, but another letdown? Nothing. It wasn't worth trying, was it?  
He didn't care anymore. It was just a stupid attempt, and not even a working one at that. Spark stood, forcing himself out the door and down the street, carrying only one pokeball: Colette's.  
All he wanted was someone to talk to about Riley. He wasn't close enough to those two yet; a romance would draw them closer. Falling in love with both of them hadn't been his idea, and since the pair were "rivals," he shouldn't have expected more.  
Spark slunk into his RV, trying to hide himself away from the world.  
It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it.  
He laid down on his bed, trekking through the mess without even caring about what he was stepping on. He had kept his full pokeballs on his table, his eggs on shelves. All he wanted--No, needed--was help to get through. And apparently, no one wanted to help.  
He didn't blame them. It wasn't their fault. They hadn't been the ones nearly begging for love and attention, they hadn't been the ones nearly needing to be seen, they hadn't been the ones nearly crying when they had been turned down.   
Spark curled up tighter on his bed, then rolled over so he was face down and let Colette out of her pokeball.  
"I'm sorry, everyone," he mumbled into his pillow. "I'll get out of your way."

~~~~

Spark's RV looked like a mess from the outside, and Blanche didn't expect more from the inside. But, xe reasoned, perhaps Spark had been doing some very intense spring cleaning.... far too late... for two days... without even a call in to Willow...  
Unlikely, especially for him. Blanche sighed, took a deep breath, and held xir nose, and headed inside at last. It was as bad as xe expected. Eggs littered almost every surface, pokeballs scattered the floor, dust and dirt splattered every unclaimed spot.  
Blanche forced xemself onwards, and xe took another breath through their mouth, avoiding the thought of how it tasted of something rotting.  
A tiny sound echoed through the hall, making xem jump, and xe turned, moving quickly towards it.  
"Jolt!" Spark's Jolteon. He knew that voice. Blanche reached the bedroom in seconds, stumbling through the single hallway, finding the source of the noise. The bedroom.  
It looked worse than the kitchen or the hallway. But worst of all was the figure laying in the middle of the bed: Spark himself, face-down in a pillow and minus a T-shirt. There were no food or drinks within reach, and Jolteon seemed nervous as she pawed at him. She was the only Pokemon in sight, the only creature besides Spark in the room, and it only added to the air of unease put off by Spark's body. Was it a corpse? Was it a body? Blanche's fears were obvious to only xem as xe pressed two fingers against Spark's neck, searching for a single heartbeat to put xem at ease. Finally, after two full minutes, xe found it. Soft. Slow. Quiet. Gentle. Hard to find. The exact opposite of everything Spark was.   
Blanche forced xemself to think of Spark with "is" instead of was, reminding xemself that he wasn't dead yet. It didn't work to ease any fear. Xe typed in three numbers, and forced xemself to call an ambulance. Xe was almost certain that xir voice was unintelligible through xir tight throat and xir choking on tears. How come they couldn't hear it?   
"...Come quick. He needs you." Xe said quietly, then forced xemself away from the stiff form on the bed. After all, someone had to let the doctors in once they arrived...


	2. The First Worries

Blanche had no idea what to do but hop in the ambulance and remain by Spark's side as they were escorted to the nearest hospital. All xe wanted was for xir friends--Especially Spark--to be okay once again and for the routine to continue, in all of its insanity and surprises. It felt strange to ever see Spark like that. Down, unconscious, thinner than before, pale, lips dry...   
Xe felt terrified that xir friend wouldn't make it past the hospital bed. It felt like death loomed over the pair in the back of the quick-moving ambulance, and not just Spark's brush with it.   
He had done this to himself. He had decided to try and die slowly like this. Blanche couldn't believe xir eyes seeing this before xem. Xe could still remember the bright, happy, light-of-xir-life Spark that had asked xem out.  
Why hadn't xe listened? Xe knew something was happening, but xe only continued working, ignoring Spark's requests. Xe only knew what had happened because of Candela's quiet complaints telling xem about it.  
Xe hadn't expected for Spark to break down. Xe just had work to do. Xe didnt have time for love, for a relationship, for anything of that sort. Xe had tests, and research, and evolving, and Willow Duty. Willow Duty, which Willow had noticed Spark missing--twice in a row, even. Both of his weekend shifts. Blanche had hoped for a small thing to be setting it all off, but xe hadn't expected anything as bad as this.   
Xe clutched one of the many Pokemon plushies Spark kept in his RV. A meowth. Mr. Meow Mix didn't help xem to relax any. Blanche wished it would speak comforting words, but there was no such thing as a Pokemon speaking human. Especially not a Meowth.   
Blanche always thought of them as rather pathetic creatures, amd xe personally hoped xe never had to keep one on hand for long, because xe was allergic to its dander. Xe liked the look, sort of, if xe squinted, but its flaws always outweighed his benefits, even once it evolved into a Persian. Xe only needed one for xir pokedex.   
Xe had never seen one running around Spark's RV, even though xe had seen Pokemon of all kinds in there, even that new johto Pokemon. Xe wanted that back. The Pokemon, the laughter, the jokes. Xe wanted the boy xe knew back.   
But xe didn't have that choice or chance. Blanche looked up at the doors of the ambulance as they opened, revealing the hospital. Nurses took the stretcher Spark laid on away from xem.  
"Please," xe mumbled. "I can't lose him." Blanche clutched the meowth's paw tighter.   
But xe could only watch as he was pulled away.   
"I'm sorry. I didn't know..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second of three chapters I have written already....


	3. The First Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!

Spark felt like death, but somehow he was still alive. He didn't want to be alive, but so he was. Alive. Okay. NO. He didn't want to live, let alone survive. It wasn't his time to live, and all he wanted to do was to be dead. Riley's death still lingered in his mind.  
Spark didn't want that memory to be there. He wanted it to be more than a memory, to see Riley once again with his own eyes, since Riley had been the only person Spark had known who loved him truly. And he hadn't even known about Spark being trans. Riley never knew, and it was all Spark's fault that he didn't.   
Spark curled up slightly, trying to breathe through tears. "It's all my fault," he mumbled. "It's all my fault... I'm so sorry, Riley..."  
A voice stopped his crying for a second.   
"Spark...? Can you hear me? Please, Spark, I need you. I can't..." Blanche..? Why was xe here? "I messed up...."  
"Blanche..?" Spark mumbled, and he opened his eyes, slowly but surely. It was exactly who he had expected. "Why are you...? Why did you come...? I don't understand..."  
"Why didn't you think that I would?"  
"You... I would get it if you hated me." Spark sighed.  
"Spark, why--"  
"I asked you out without thinking. Im a stupid idiot. I do stupid things. I never think, and you always think. You're smart, and pretty, and the best person-- Even better than Candy! -- and you're... here.... Why?"  
Blanche took a deep breath. "You mean a lot to me, Electric. You're... the person I rely on for a kind word. How come the man who can never say a negative word to others can't think kindly about himself?"  
Spark tried to laugh, but his laugh was sharper than he wished. "It's the way I am. I can't help it, okay?" Blanche put a hand on his shoulder, a small frown on xir face.   
"You're more than what you think you are, okay? You're my... best friend." Spark tried to smile for xem. Xe couldn't know. Xe just had to not know. Xe had to stay safe...  
"Sorry, Blanche," he said simply.  
Xe squinted at him. "You're a bad liar," Blanche sighed. "You're not okay. Please. You mean more to Candela and me than you know, Spark."  
"I just hope you're more truthful than I am," Spark mumbled.  
"I am. I promise." Blanche smiled, and xe left, leaving Spark alone in the hospital bed.


	4. The First Phone Call

Blanche didn't know what to do. Xe slank to the floor, burying xir head in xir hands in order to try and act natural. It wasn't working. Xe needed to think. Xe needed an idea. Xe needed time to put it all together. Xe couldn't think. Xe had no ideas. Xe had no tine.   
Blanche sighed, and xe pulled our xir phone, typing in a few numbers. In seconds, the contact xe was searching for popped up.   
Ring.  
Ring.  
"What is it, ice face?"  
"Candela. Hi. It's Blanche. You, er, knew that. But... Spark. You don't know yet. He's up. Or, uh, awake. And in the hospital. He's up. And he's in trouble. Help?"  
Candela paused. "I can't help. He's with you, Blankface. Your job, not mine."  
"I just... can't be around him. He's just... I can't tell him what I think! He's too much for me!"  
"Just be honest, smart guy. He'll get what you're saying through the stutter. You'll get it out."  
Blanche took a shuddering breath. "Candela, please, he's... he's shattering, a-and it's breaking my heart to be around him."  
"Then tell him how you feel, Dumbo!"  
"I can't! He matters to me, and he doesn't think he does, and I just can't do this..."  
"Blanche, just do it!"  
"No. I'm a coward."  
"Excuse me, uh... Mx?" The doctor asked. "Spark's asking for you to come in."  
"I have to go, Candela. I'll be back later."  
"Blanche, you're not getting out of this..."  
"Bye!" Blanche hung up, dropping xir phone into a pocked before walking after the doctor into the room once more.  
Spark was waiting, sitting up and watching xem. "He says I can go home if I'm with you... so... uh... can I stay with you? Or... I can stay here, it's fine..."  
Blanche swallowed. Xe couldn't stay alone with Spark, not without feeling like...  
"Fine, I'll take you home. I'll drive. You're in no shape to. You're going to drink lots of water, and for goodness sakes, don't get yourself killed. I n--" Xe cut xemself off. Xe couldn't tell him that xe thought of him like that. Spark didn't seem to notice xir mistake, and smiled. A true smile, one that melted Blanche's heart in its sincerity and its kindness that xe couldn't help--  
No. Xe wasn't thinking that.  
"Let's go," xe stated.  
"Okay, Blanche."


	5. The First Love

Spark always loved Blanche's car. A small blue convertible, perfect for feeling the wind in his hair or on his skin. He always loved that feeling, especially with his hand out a window. Blanche always told him not to, but this time xe was more focused on xir own thoughts and the road ahead of them to tell Spark to get his hand back in the car. Spark did so anyways. Blanche seemed serious... no. Nervous. Xe was nervous. Spark stared. Why would xe be nervous? Xe was the smartest, best, and most handsome...  
No. He couldn't ask again, he would just be heartbroken again by Blanche's hands. And that was the person who was taking care of him while he recovered. Spark had to keep a good relationship. As a friend. Nothing more. Even if he wanted that to be more, Blanche obviously wouldn't, with xir seriousness and xir silence...  
It was his fault. He shouldn't have expected much. Spark rested his head on his hand, shutting his eyes so he could better appreciate the feeling of the wind in his hair.  
It was over too soon as Blanche neared xir home, and Spark forced his eyes open and looked outside. Blanche's home was nice, and very neat. The grass was kept short by xir ponyta and rapidash, a brilliant idea in Spark's eyes. He never could figure out where Blanche got xir ideas from.  
The pair sat in the summer night air, Spark hardly noticing anything but Blanche's nervousness. Xe gripped the wheel, unbuckled xir seatbelt, took a deep breath, and finally xe turned to him.   
"Spark... uh... you mean a lot to me. More than you think. A-and you're..." Blanche broke off. "I can't do this. Forget I said anything, I'm a coward..."  
"...I'm what?" Spark asked quietly. Blanche took a deep breath.   
"You're the idiot I'm in love with. Your dorky smile, your stupidly messy hair, and everything about your silly kindness, and how you can't see that for Mew's sake, I freaking love you!" Blanche cried out, unable to stop tears from falling. Spark stared, slack-jawed, and mumbled a reply.  
"I love you too, Blanche."  
Blanche took a deep breath, shuddering, and xe took Spark's jacket, pulling him in and kissing him at last, failing to keep xemself from trembling. After a few seconds, xe pulled back. Spark smiled slightly.  
"I'll be there. Promise, Spark."  
"Thank you, dear..."  
"D-dear?"  
"Yeah. Isn't that what people call partners in a romance...?"  
"Y-yeah. O-oh. Okay. Yeah. I'm good. Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this story!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for all of the reads on my last stories! I'm completely amazed right now, it's crazy how fast I got 1000 and perhaps even 2000! Therefore, I've made a multi-chapter story for you lot.
> 
> Enjoy?


End file.
